Day 1

I just read a book that changed my life.

How many times can you say that in a lifetime, like maybe, four/five times?  Okay, let's all guess what this magical tome was.

Was it War and Peace?  Nope.

Was it the Bible?  Uh-uh.

Okay, I can't stand it.  It was a book on CLEANING YOUR HOUSE.  How sad yet great is that?  It wasn't the Koran or the Bagavad Gita or even, anything that could remotely be called a classic.  It was a book by Dana K. White based on her blog A Slob Comes Clean.  It's called How to Manage Your Home Without Losing Your Mind.'

Actually, I listened to it.  She reads it.  I love it when authors read their own books.

Have you ever heard something that's so logical and OBVIOUS, but for some reason goes unnoticed? You hear it and think, yeah, that's so true.  Of course.  Thank you!

Dana pointed out that books on organization are written by the organized.  Read that again. Let the logic of that smack you in the face.  Of  COURSE they are!

Furthermore, that's why they don't work for the very people (slobs) that need and buy these books. Take another moment to appreciate the greatness.

 Dana reached out, one slob to another, and basically said, all bullshit aside, THIS is how you keep your house clean.  I've struggled your struggle.  This is the down and dirty outline.  Go for it.  

I think she's a fuckin GENIUS!  Thank you, Dana.  You are truly and exactly my inspiration.

I do, genuinely recommend her book.  Her methods work and I now have a cleaner home.

BUT--THEN I STARTED THINKING...........................................

.....what if diet books are written by the skinny?  What if exercise books are written by the athletic?

Being a FAT GIRL for the past 8 years, I consulted my fat girl library of shame.  Hmmm, let's read the bios of the authors: doctor, nutritionist, really hot ripped fireman(!), athlete, nutritionist, personal trainer, doctor.  Okay bored now and totally seeing a trend.  NOBODY here used to be fat.  Nobody here probably would rather prep for a colonoscopy than run a mile.

So I'm thinking, these are not my people.  These authors do not understand my struggle because they haven't done it.  They are writing from theory, what they imagine they would do if suddenly, through some horrible Tom Hanksian movie plot - woke up FAT.  Cue Rocky music and play the overcoming montage as the formerly thin person starts their own program and whittles away to their current thin- enough- to- be- superior size.

I've decided that their perspective is largely useless condescending bullshit.  It didn't work for me.  I imagine it doesn't work for lots of folks, because we keep buying the next de-fatification oeuvre.

There are only three insta shortcuts to losing weight I've ever seen work long term in real life:  1) surgery. I am considering this, however there seems to be lots of loose skin.  Plus I've seen that it may not work. Moreover, it's surgery.  There are risks and I have kids with an incompetent father.

2) drugs.  Not over the counter or even prescription - I'm talking cocaine or stealing your kids ADD meds- hey, that stuff does work.  And you wind up in rehab.  Not worth it.

3) serious illness.  That's a hell of a way to get thin, and I'm genuinely sorry when that route is the way someone loses it finally.

So basically, I've ruled out the insta-skinny for now.

I'm going to do what Dana did.  I am a fat girl.  I have about 100 pounds to lose.  I am going to take you with me as I try to find the down and dirty no bullshit method for losing this weight.

So this is my day one.  Tomorrow I'm going to try something.  I'll let you know if it works.